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May 31st, 2004

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01:51 pm - British fantasy?
For a somewhat long period of time, I was obsessed with the thought of being able to go to England for six months under this program. Somehow over the months, I began thinking less and less about it.

Out of the blue, while listening to a Berlin live CD, I started to fantasize about it again. Like I've said before in my personal journal, it seems really feasible for me, provided I can save the money I get in the spring and fall. I can even pay off my credit cards in the process.

I don't get philisophical or even spritual much, but there's this feeling that I get when I think about this, the sensation that it's my destiny somehow, that this is what I'm supposed to do.

I think only one or two of my friends knows this in detail, but when I was in England, I felt something rather weird. I hadn't felt so much attachment in my life until I was walking the streets of London. I felt like it was where I was supposed to be. I suppose that my only complaint was the price of everything, but if the millions who live there can manage, so can I.

I think what stopped me was my reasoning for doing this. While getting away from my problematic family is a bonus, I've come to see that it's not my primary motivation. I really love London, so much that I feel I can't keep the experience all to myself. Every time I go to IKEA I'm inspired to decorate my apartment with more and more pictures from my European travels. Also, while I don't hate America, I'm somewhat ashamed to live here the way things are going.

I do not think this is something that I can do later on, when I'm older. While seizing the day isn't something I always follow, in this case, it's either now or never. I think I'll choose now (well next year anyway).
Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: Kylie-Better The Devil You Know

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