October 14th, 2006
|jinxxxxed||07:22 pm - Sound off|
Three beautiful things you saw this week. List.
September 13th, 2004
I have been giving a lot to think about this past weekend. It's about 50% sorted out...
Lesson learned: Good things really do happen when you least expect it. I believe that fully now, it's not the motivational bullshit I thought it was before.
Current Mood: dorky
Current Music: Kylie Minogue-"I Should Be So Lucky"
September 7th, 2004
|jinxxxxed||04:57 am - *uses the Nightcrawler voice for her mock broadcast on CERK radio*|
Tonight we are facing an interesting dilemma, gentle listeners...but first, a story. It's a fairly well-known tale, so I'll summarize.
There was a young prince who thought he could shut out the world at large because there were things going on beyond his control and it was all too real for him. He hid himself and a few like-minded people away in a secluded abbey. Six months in to this self-imposed quarantine, there was a large event he had absolute dominion over down to the very detailing of the seven rooms the event was to be held in. The prince thought his perceived ability to control what went on within the walls of the abbey translated in to control of the world around him. This false sense of absolute supremacy only added to the prince's megalomaniacal flights of fancy. During the event, the prince discovered a reveler that dared to come as a representative of what was going on outside the abbey and followed the figure from room to room. The prince is found dead after he attacks the masked figure in a blind rage. Everyone else at the event dies one by one after they realize the real world, in the guise of the masked entity, has infiltrated their imaginary one.
Moral of the story: peace and safety...tangible or fabricated....shall not escape the jurisdiction of reality.
Who is to blame for this? The prince, who hid from the world because he was not mature enough to deal with the trials and tribulations of life? What of the people who stood with him and furthered his illusion of safety inside a shell of lies? Is it the fault of the spectre that ran its course like all things in life? I suspect suspect the prince would blame the spectre for his undoing. It is so much easier to seek the blame somewhere else when no one is responsible but yourself.
Everyone knows a prince like this, though they may be called a queen, a president, or any other title. Every person like this has a group of followers. They use phrases like "obscene literary liberties" to describe things that are written word, but not genuine literature, in an attempt to sound pseudointellectual. They do not grasp the fact that using grade level as a marker for maturity is useless and neglect to notice that the one they rally 'round is a shining example of why that logic fails. They think that the possible dislike of an icon is a perfectly valid base on which to build an argument defending what could only be defined as the losing end of the moral highground. The followers are just as deluded as their leader, which helps in continuing their charade of a perfect world built out of lies, short-sightedness, or cyberspace.
Here is the dilemma: when should you put on your mask and when do you think you should take it off?
I must admit that I have donned mine as of late because of a principle I have always maintained, but never acted on, and am rather attached to it, if for nothing more than the ability to cast a ray of truthful light on a shady bit of falsehood.
That and I'm just dying to get my hands on a large ebony clock for a black apartment with scarlet windows.
-- Muerte Roja
Current Mood: Disinclined to acquiesce a particular request. Means "no."
August 30th, 2004
Since I'm a senior, I've decided now is a good time to look for grad schools. I still have about a year and a half to go with all the major-swapping and whatnot, but I really should make a choice by the end of the semester.
So far I'm considering Pacific Lutheran University and University of Washington. I'll also apply to UNLV just as a fall-back plan if things don't pan out, regardless of what else I turn up with.
I'm going to search for one in Oregon and one in the northeast, but I feel like I'm off to a good start. The biggest hurdle so far has been finding a university that offers an MFA in Creative Writing in a place that I would actually like.
I feel simultaneously excited and nervous; I'm mentally missing Las Vegas every time I think about it. However, I've reached an age where it's time to spread the proverbial wings and start to explore other avenues. Seattle appears rather interesting, and even if I don't go to school there, I'll try to make a trip out there to actually see the city beyond the airport on my way to Alaska.
For once in my life, I feel like purpose has been granted to me: influenced by the divine and carried along by the mundane.
I intend to meet it.
Current Mood: pleased
Current Music: How Soon Is Now - The Smiths
August 10th, 2004
I have this vision...
...but it's blank.
August 7th, 2004
I've got so many images burned in to my mind...it's a wonder I sleep at all.
However, this is not one of those nights where my rest will come "easy."
I feel the need to repent for something, even if I am unsure as to what the reason it is. Sometimes I wonder if other people go through the same thing, but I trash that idea and decide it's my Super Ego on a rampage. That's the great thing about chamomile tea--it slays that wicked beast...and most of my nervous system--but it gets the job done: I sleep and I don't dream. The androids can dream of as many electric sheep as their processors will allow.
I think that having so many memories come back to me at once is my way of indirectly searching through the files to see what I have done wrong. I was hoping I'd get off easy for refusing to play as the Allies in Battlefield 1942. Alas, I am not that lucky. The name says it all, right?
Mind's still going through the slideshow of my life. I hope it will be over soon. I am out of tea.
Current Mood: exhausted
July 29th, 2004
Al Sharpton isn't one of my favorite people by any stretch of the imagination....but I agree with this in a lot of ways.
''The issue of government is not to determine who may sleep together in the bedroom, it's to help those that might not be eating in the kitchen.''
July 3rd, 2004
|jinxxxxed||01:55 pm - Keep Your Faith Out of My Lab.|
I'm going to keep this as concise and rage-free as humanly possible.
While I try to maintain an open-mind when it comes to world views and lifestyles, I'm afraid I must draw the line somewhere. For me, science and religion to not mix. That's set in stone, just like me refusing to use electrical appliances while immersed in water. If that works for you, more power to you and I'll support you in your decision. However, trying to get me along for the ride bothers me. Oddly enough, I liken it to the complaint many Jewish people I know have about Christians incessantly trying to convert them. I know where the nearest churches of many different faiths are. If I honestly wanted religion, I could find it. (Which reminds me: before you say, "you're a buddhist": I consider that a philosophy and not a religion.)
It really does irk the living fuck out of me (it's not so unlike a flashback to my days of forced internment at my grandmother's church) and, rather than say that and hurt feelings, I toss out phrases like "If that works for you" hoping the hint gets out there. When that doesn't work, I refuse to talk about it. Religion and all its trappings is a topic I avoid like the plague and the less involved in it I get, the happier I am.
It's like this: when I go in to a lab, I'm trying to find out why things happen. My views, my beliefs, and my practices get left at the door. The last thing on my mind is trying to make sure my findings jive with the story on how things work in a book written by men about some supreme sky daddy pulling the world's strings behind the scenes. I refuse to be like Darwin, who hid most of his work for fear of being persecuted by "creation science" types and died before his work was ever fully understood and his contributions acknowledged. I will not live and die like Gallileo, who was placed under house arrest by the Pope for the rest of his natural life because he looked to the heavens, only to find them imperfect and revolving around something other than Earth. Both of these ideas were considered heresy because science and religion were merged; anything that didn't go along with the bible and the church just wasn't true: god doesn't make imperfect planets or allow the center of the universe to be something other than the world he created.
I also do not believe in trying to merge things to make it more acceptable to the hoi polloi. For the longest time, the world was flat because some people just couldn't fathom there being more to the world (Aww shit! we can't handle 3-D!). Reagan merged homophobia and the AIDS virus so people would find it acceptable to not investigate a disease which--big suprise here--doesn't limit itself to infecting only one part of the population. Jerry Fallwell hybridized sin and terrorist attacks to make his faith-based derisions of other groups legitimate. President Bush merged Al Qaida and Saddam Hussein to make his reason for invading Iraq more acceptable to the public at large.
I do make exceptions for: peanut butter and celery, chocolate cookies with white creme in the middle, hybrid sports cars, interleague major league baseball, coffee ice cream and Reese's peanut butter cups, Tuaca and Sour Apple Pucker's, and those back massagers with heat.
The truth is out there. If we find there is some sort of god, fine. We can talk about whether or not they lit the fuse to start the "Big Bang." Until that time, I'm looking at the side that has more tangible evidence (IE: things that don't require an explanation like "Well, the [insert sacred book] says"), so keep your faith's (collective) fucking hands off my theoretical intergalactic fire cracker.
Current Mood: annoyed
June 22nd, 2004
Every semester, I get money back from the university for the loan money I have taken out. I usually buy one major thing with it.
I think this fall I'm going to buy a new stereo for the living room. The one I currently have has a broken CD player, broken tape deck, the antenna missing, I use it mostly for PS2 games and DVDs, and even then it's not up to par.
My poor little computer speakers can't handle some of the new music I have bought either. Bond sounds all muffled because it can't handle the bass, for instance. I fear a subwoofer explosion at times.
Am I being to materialistic? Wait, don't answer that.
Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: Bond-"Explosive" w/bass properly audible
June 9th, 2004
|jinxxxxed||12:31 am - I wish I was better at giving back.|
I have friends, real friends, without whom I would be nothing today.
I love them more than my own life, but I am sad to be around them because they do so much for me and I cannot begin to return the favor. Sometimes I think that they might get tired of me because I take all the time, at least, I feel like I'm taking all the time.
You know who you are. I'd love to come out and show you how much I appreciate you, but I usually can't do it in the way I want to. It bothers me that I can't show you how much I really care. I hope this will do for now. I'm still trying to win Megabucks or hit the lottery so I can show you what you mean to me.